2009, 2, 165-180, DOI: 10.1007/978-0-387-09546-2_8

Gravestones for Butterflies: Social Feeling Rules and Individual Experiences of Loss

Birgitt Röttger-Rössler

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Abstract

Both the quality and intensity of emotions change with age and according to one’s age-specific pool of experience and knowledge. This is even more so because the different phases of life not only contain different productive and reproductive tasks that have to be solved in age-specific ways but are also the focus of specific social models of emotion. In particular, biological, psychic, and social turning points, as well as “critical” incidents, are connected with social expectations regarding which behavior and feeling are “suitable.” Because the emotional models change during the life cycle, individuals are obliged to readjust their emotions constantly to deal with changed biological and social living conditions. It can be assumed that emotional adjustment to changed life circumstances always takes place within a social exchange, that is, within processes of interactive “meaning making.” This chapter illuminates such processes of emotional meaning-making through the example of the German “star children movement” (Sternenkinderbewegung) set up a few years ago by parents who had suffered a pregnancy loss or stillbirth and wanted to create a social place for grief that is widely ignored by society.

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