I have spent a lot of time through the years attacking the Turing Test and its variants (e.g., Harnad’s Total Turing Test). As far as I am concerned, my attacks have been lethal, but of course not everyone agrees. At any rate, in the present paper I shift gears: I pretend that the Turing Test is valid, put on the table a proposition designed to capture this validity, and then slip into the shoes of the judge, determined to deliver a correct verdict as to which contestant is the machine, and which the woman. My strategies for separating mind from machine may well reveal some dizzying new-millennium challenges for Artificial Intelligence.